apathy.

1. absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.
2. lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.


this was recently was taking a hold of my life in a huge way but i got ahold of it and its gotten a lot better in the past weeks. is it just me? or does life get somewhat of a real bore when you don't have any plans or a schedule to stick by. i don't know if its because boredom is such a common feeling amongst everybody that i find it so interesting that boredom and apathy come hand in hand, well at least for me it does.i'm going to invest myself into a handful of activities and what not to see what really intrigues me so i can pursue it and indulge in the pleasure of learning brand new information and using it, especially because it's something i want to know more about.i need a schedule to stick to or at least write down 2 or 3 things i want to do by certain times in the day. i will make it. i will follow it. i will enjoy it. so should everybody else.

three years.

B.S.F

its really hard to believe that she's finally gone. out of sight and out of reach. not for a day, not for a week, not even for a month, but for three years. its just going to be a weird adjustment not being able to talk to her everyday like usual. the tearful goodbye didn't help either, damn kooks(those fuckers) "Babe i already miss you, Sweetheart i already miss you, Sweeteyes i already miss you, And you only just walked out the door". way too many laughs we won't have in the next thirty six months but we'll make up for them when your back because i made a promise and i plan on keeping that promise no matter what happens in the next coming years. i love you bianca sheree flournoy, i'll see you when your back in my arms.<3

was, is.

for some reason, no matter how hard i try i can't seem to get my head out of the past. it was great then and now its a pleasant memory, but late at night i stay up;{unintentionally} reminiscing, i mean i don't know if its the insomnia or maybe the millions of thoughts that choose to run through my mind at 1:00am but its been a recurring thing lately. i appreciate the past because in some ways its what builds your future. so i guess this is a "farewell" to my past. they will always be with me as memories but nothing more than that. no longer will i let my present life and future life be disrupted with the struggle of past ghosts leading me to figure out if i should be here or there, or who should still be in my life or out of my life. it all had an important roll then and slight importance now but what was was and what is is and thats the end of it.

acceptance.

awkward in a state of mind

trapped in my own thoughts

forget it all to once again feel bliss

i cant make it...

i cant make it again...

i cant make it on my own

shes self absorbed in succeeding in life

karma plays its roll in downsizing your small riches

liquid happiness fades with the music you live to

once again, reality sets in...

sets in to push your adolescent mind to sorrow n' slumber

come back at once...

come back tonight...

come with or come none

love is divine, love is a choice

in a sense to say your a "chosen one"

..i made the choice to pursue it threw

we can make it

we can make it out to shine

she yearns so much to be dependent on no one but herself...

the thought of living in poverity kills her inside...

repeating the life of the one who gave her this gift of being, drives her to make no mistakes

her bittersweet persona brings me to life...

confused in a nutshell she struggles to make sense of the feelings within her heart...

our hands intertwine and time stands still in my mind...

an understatement would be to say im on cloud nine

the days without you seem endless

when the days together pass like a flash

your shocked to learn im not phased by your actions

just forget what you thought

lets burn out like matches...

7-8-05

.fasho