reunion.

saturday the 21st was a great entire day! not just the morning or night but the whole 24 hours, well technically it was more than that but whatever. i went to 2 of my good friends art shows in los angeles which were really good. can't wait for their next shows. friends that i haven't seen and missed dearly came to support as well. we exchanged hugs with subtle chit chat and parted ways making plans to meet up later. time passed and i received a call from an angel, picked her up and migrated to my friends house to meet up with everyone else. the night was filled with lots and lots and pretty much nothing but laughter. overall the night involved great art, great friends, mary jane, cold drinks and little to no sleep for almost everyone besides my baby girl<3

it was a good night.

keep in mind.

the worst thing anyone can do is hold on to someone who doesn't want to be held on to. don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you. the thing about falling in love is that if you do it right, you'll never hit the ground. life is too short to be anything but happy.

so kiss slowly

love deeply

forgive quickly

take chances and never have regrets

forget the past but remember what it taught you. sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything's okay, hold back the tears and walk away. if you want to see the rainbow you must walk through the rain. if you want true love you must go through the pain. women were made from a man's rib, not from his head to be superior, not fom his feet to be walked on, but from his side to be equal, from under the arm to be protected, and from next to the heart to be loved.

a piece of realization.

today was a day to remember. i can honestly say i felt blissful for the first time in a long time. it was short lived but great. some friends and i indulged in an out of body experience. i grew closer to one of my friends, who's a great friend already but after today i see him as more of a brother and i love him very much. we opened up to each other, told stories and shared aspects of our lives we haven't shared with anyone. it felt really rewarding venting to someone who genuinely cares for me. we walked on the sands of my heaven on earth or (the beach) for everyone else and i just zoned out, enjoying the breeze and taking in the beautiful sight that is the ocean. i had a sudden intuitive perception of my life, or an epiphany if you will, just thinking about my life in different ways. processing how it was then, how it is now, and how it might possibly be in the coming years. i realized i missed certain feelings i once had. nostalgic about them even. a big one i missed, was being in love. not necessarily who i was in love with but just the overall feelings you receive from having such a strong emotional connection with another human being. its a legit sensation that simply can not be duplicated. i'm thankful for having had that chance to embrace its utter joy. even though it didn't end in a 'happily ever after', it was still an insightful journey that i took a lot from. speaking of the subject my 'love' life (or lack there of) is sort of at a stand still at the moment. girls have come and gone, but as great as they all were, none of them gave me that spark. they didn't mesmerize me every time i stared into their eyes. kind of stopped looking due to the fact that i haven't found anyone vaguely interesting in a long while. pondering whether or not i'd find a girl, someone recently came back into my life about a day or two ago. i missed her dearly, and to my surprise, she still gives me butterflies. she even makes me weak at my words. my world is kind of dark, and she's the light in my eyes. i'm really hoping she brightens up my days.

simply adorable.

emily browning

there's always room.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the beer.


A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed."Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."

it's all too fucking much.

my brains in a frenzy trying to register new information that doesn't need to be in my brain! that doesn't want to be in my brain! i'm losing it CLOSE THE DOOR! where and why this has started? i know exactly when , yet i have no idea. i'm blacking out but remembering every single detail, i want to forget, i want to forget, i want to forget, I WANT TO FORGET, i want to forget, can i? is it a possibility or can i only push it down down down into the back of my head to only be brought up when triggered by a song, a joke, something particularly pertaining to the subject at hand, live your life, just live it, asegaeurgtoiaernhgad losing my mind slowly, it's scary. get the fuck out of my thoughts POOF........still there, drown it in booze, burn it in fire, laugh it away, just be quiet. is this really happening? i want this to be a dream so i can wake up and find bliss in knowing it was a trick played by my very own mind on myself, but the clues to proving its reality keep getting closer and closer. first the phone call, then the texts, then the fucking pictures and the titles, what the fuck is next?! i've finally lost it, i'm gone - sanity

2 0 0 9.

this year is the year i reinvent myself as a better person, in my eyes. Fuck what everyone else see's. the usual new years resolutions have been set (work out more, don't eat so much junk food, etc.) but i also set some goals which i am absolutely positive i will achieve by the end of this year. so no regrets, good luck to me, and i know i'll make it happen this year '09!